It is Thanksgiving morning. I woke early and padded out of our bedroom quietly in hopes of writing before my early rising Hubs wakes because today is my very favorite.
Thanksgiving is the day when all the things, the leaves, the foods, the home decor are gold, orange, warm and glowy.
There are 2 nights in my life when God has healed me. No I did not recover completely but He touched me. There was a shift in which I went from severe pain to no pain, from being unable to eat regular food to being able to eat solids. Both of these preceded Thanksgiving.
The medical term for what I experienced is “Spontaneous Remission”, I call it a miracle.
I realize that not everyone who reads my blog believes in God but I hope that as you read this post you might open your thoughts to the idea that there is something bigger out there because what I experienced is real. Plain and simple, these things happened. And to be honest, that reality gives us hope in a messy broken world.
In both cases I was so far beyond what I could handle. In both cases I cried out to God with a completely shattered heart. In fact, in both instances I was so far past my limit that I felt He had forgotten me.
The first time I was 29. I had spent the majority of that summer in the hospital due to a profound onset of Crohn’s disease. I was brave that summer and believed big for healing in the face of excruciating pain. I was fed through a line in my heart and all the days were lonely.
I frequently sat alone at midnight in the cold sterile hospital room, journal in hand trying to make sense of my unthinkable situation. One night I sat with my Bible and journal in sheer heartbreak. I cried out in grief to God. I told Him that I was absolutely at the end, I could go no further, that I needed something, some sign that He cared.
That night a nurse I did not know came into my room and asked if she could pray for me. I collapsed into her arms in tears as she prayed over me. The next morning the nurse was gone and my body felt different. I knew I had been touched by God overnight. For the first time in months I was not in horrific pain. To make that morning even more abnormal, my doctor discharged me home.
My recent experience with the healing touch of God is similar. I have been fighting a Crohn’s flare since September. The months have been dark, shrouded in pain and hopelessness. My family and I have been back and forth to specialists and hospitals. We frequently wondered if I was going to be admitted.
About a week ago I curled up in our bed with my Bible and journal. I have been acutley aware of how abnormal my past 16 years have been due to ongoing illness and I have felt a mix of humiliation, loss and anger.
The other night I told God that for the first time in my 16 year quest for healing I could feel myself growing bitter and I don’t want that to happen. I begged God for some sign that He sees me, that He has some plan for my life and then I curled up and went to sleep with my Bible in my arms.
The next morning I woke up and my body felt different; I was no longer in pain. As I made our bed my thoughts drifted back to the night when God touched me in 2001. That same peace washed over me and I knew it had happened again. As the morning progressed I found that I was able to eat solid food for the first time in a couple of months and I have been on a steady trajectory forward ever since that night.
Some years the holidays are extra glowy. Today my family will gather and we will have that same feeling we had on Thanksgiving in 2001, when everything seems to be falling back together after it all came undone.
If today is a hard day for you a couple of things that are helpful to me:
- Get outside — force yourself
- Check out The Work of Byron Katie
- Keep putting one foot in front of the other, no matter how hard it is, force yourself
- Distract yourself with fluffy “feel good” movies or books because this hard time will pass you just need to get through it
- Every day find 1 thing to be thankful for — even if it is as simple as a blanket
As Jesus was on his way, the crowds almost crushed him.
And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years,c but no one could heal her.
She came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak, and immediately her bleeding stopped.
“Who touched me?” Jesus asked.
When they all denied it, Peter said, “Master, the people are crowding and pressing against you.”
But Jesus said, “Someone touched me; I know that power has gone out from me.”
Then the woman, seeing that she could not go unnoticed, came trembling and fell at his feet. In the presence of all the people, she told why she had touched him and how she had been instantly healed.
Then he said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace.”