Last Monday I wrote a blog post and unveiled a secret we had been keeping: I seemed to be regressing, we were concerned. I was going on several weeks of sleeping way too much and I was forgetting to eat.
And, we were scared.
It was all very reminiscent of the endless sleep, fatigue and loss of appetite that characterized last year’s leukemia relapse.
As a family, we are still trying to find solid footing after the relapse, so this recent sleeping thing brought back bad memories and emotions for us.
While I slept, my family tried to find excuses for why I was so exhausted, why I was becoming lifeless again.
Last Sunday evening, after I had slept for the majority of 24 hours, my husband and I were sitting on our screened porch, I was pale and trying very hard to keep my eyes open, I wanted to spend time with him, I did not want to sleep.
I looked across the porch and saw him look at me. In a rare moment of vulnerability, he voiced his concerns about what seemed to be my health declining. At which point, my shoulders collapsed and teardrops fell. Between my tears and gasps for air, I told him that I felt so scared, that I hate cancer.
Then my husband did that thing he does where he is strong in the way that I depend on; he assured me that I will be alright, that this sleeping thing is nothing, that I will get to see my niece and nephew get married, that I have a long & healthy life ahead of me. He did that, despite his own concerns, because he knew that I needed someone to tell me that I will be o.k.
The next morning, I opened a tea bag and read a simple, yet powerful, word “renew”. And the timing of that word seemed to be significant as though God was trying to encourage me.
Throughout that day, I clung tightly to the word renew and it’s definition: “to make (something) new, fresh, or strong again” (Merriam-Webster).
I sent a text message to my family with a picture of my tea bag inspirational word and they replied with smiles and words of affirmation.
I slept for the majority of that day.
Later that evening, when my husband and I were getting ready for bed, we got out the stuff to give me my weekly vitamin B-12 shot.
…and that was when we realized that we have missed a several doses.
If you are not dependent on B-12 shots, as in you don’t absorb it, then you cannot imagine how utterly exhausted you become when you skip shots.
I used to get them once a month. Now that I am recovering from a leukemia relapse, I get them once a week per order of my oncologist.
Hubby and I looked at the date on the bottle, the doses in the bottle and realized that once we took our vacation, we got off schedule.
And while that probably sounds inexcusable to some of you, it was actually a very simple mistake.
We have lived so strictly since last December; our lives have revolved around getting my medication doses into me at the right time, without me getting sick, trying to get me through a relapse and back to a healthy baseline.
When we went on vacation, part of us just went back to “normal” again.
Last Monday night, after hubby gave me my B-12 shot, I padded back out to our kitchen where I made another cup of tea. I smiled quietly as I read the message on the tea bag “Be Well”.
I took a picture of my tea bag inspiration and then curled up with my cozy, warm mug of tea.
I inhaled, exhaled and thought that maybe God had just happened to allow that message to cross my path that night as a way of bringing my day to a complete close.
…the day which began with a message of “renew” and ended in “be well”…
Tuesday my energy levels increased and I did not need a nap. In fact, I have not needed a nap at all this week and I have been strong enough to walk our dog everyday which (which means I am getting some cardio + vitamin D). 🙂
I feel a thousand percent better than I felt last week and I am no longer sleeping too much. My appetite has also returned.
We will be getting the results of my CML marker tests very soon and I think that they will show that I am still in remission.
It seems like this recent episode was honestly due to my need for B-12.
And I have never been so happy to announce that
we made a mistake,
we forgot to do something.
We are human.