Last summer my husband took this picture of me without me knowing it. I had just gotten a new laptop computer and was moving data from my ancient PC to my new and improved version.
I had a bad migraine that day.
Hubby was standing in the kitchen and saw my reflection on the computer screen and thought it was an interesting picture. Fun fact on him, he is an artist so he always finds unique beauty in the ordinary.
Whenever I see the picture, I see a migraine in action because I remember how I felt that day.
I remember how badly I wanted to curl up and sleep, I had taken the Imitrex/nausea cocktail (along with coffee because caffeine often helps). I had taken Tylenol. I can’t take NSAIDS due to my history of crohn’s.
But the migraine was conquering the meds.
I had a lot of work that needed to be done so I sat in a room avoiding as much light as possible. I was dressed in soft textures and neutral colors because when my migraines are really bad, I can’t even think about colorful clothing or anything that will add to my already overloaded sensory system.
I think I lasted about an hour and that particular migraine got the best of me.
If you are reading this post, there is a high chance that either you or someone you love gets migraines.
They are really tough, aren’t they?
In my experience, having dealt with crohn’s disease, leukemia and migraines, each is wicked in it’s own way.
At that time, I had not yet seen the movie but the trailer alone made me cry.
I was diagnosed with migraines 20 years ago, crohn’s 14 years ago, leukemia 7 years ago, and I recently had a leukemia relapse.
Understandably, to many people, those are just words, diagnoses on a page.
But to me, those words represent horrific hospitalizations, moments of anguish, pain scale ratings that are above a 10.
I do my best to confront the memories because frankly, they are frightening. Surely people who live through such abnormal pain must have some type of post-traumatic stress condition?
However the reality is, I live day to day, with some level of pain. Every now and then I get a pain-free day and they are glorious.
I am getting more pain-free days recently and I will write another post on that soon.
I try not to talk about pain too much because it is embarrassing. Thus, if I see another person talk openly about it, such as Aniston’s character did in the movie Cake, it is like someone opens up my own soul, tears flow fast and they come straight from my heart.
My husband watched the movie with me and we both thought it was really good. Her story is different than mine but there are enough similarities that I was able to identify with much of what her character felt.
I cried that cleansing kind of cry while watching it. I felt less alone, and I really appreciated my husband’s willingness to watch it with me. I know it is hard to watch movies about someone in pain, when you are married to a person who lives with it.
So, 2 weeks ago. I had a bad migraine. It was not severe enough to put me in bed but it was enough to make for a challenging day.
We were preparing to throw a party, I had work that needed to be done—I did not have time for a bad migraine.
I ran as many errands as I could and when I got home, took Imitrex/nausea meds, grabbed a coffee and sat on the hoping the meds would kick in.
Dr. Oz was on and it was a re-run of an interview he did with Jennifer Aniston re: her role in Cake.
The timing of the show was perfect for me. Watching her discuss chronic pain with him made me feel less alone, I did that cleansing cry thing and I felt less discouraged after watching the interview.
I am posting the link to it below. If you are struggling with pain today, maybe it will help you feel less alone.
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