Normalcy is creeping back into our lives and we embrace it with arms wide open.
I go for days without napping and am finding a schedule again.
This is a time of building up and restoration. The dark days of sleep, nosebleeds, fevers and horrific bone pain have become memories.
I am doing that thing where I am forgetting how horrible it all felt, even though it was so recent.
That is the one thing about pain that is a blessing: when it stops, we remember that it is was fierce and terrible, we can remember how it almost destroyed us; but we can’t quite remember exactly how it felt. Thank God for that.
My family and I have started laughing again. Winter was cold and dark. Leukemia and chemotherapy side effects drained me of color and weight. Sunlight and color are suddenly filling our lives and I am radiant in the warmth of it all. This is my season.
I remember begging for a sunny summer, pleading for warm days and laughter and now it is as though those days never left me…
I am no longer thinking about illness, future relapses or possible death. I am thinking about a healthy future, we are making plans and I am setting goals.
I feel better, I am no longer sick and life is beautiful again.
Hubby bought some baby gold fish for the stream that runs in front of our home. Every day our dog and I feed the babies. As we watch them grow, I am noticing my own strength grow.
My yoga teacher still comes to our house and I have gone from barely moving to doing deep hamstring stretches and baby back bends.
I am inhaling, I am exhaling, I am living and I am laughing a lot.
I am eating without pain.
My body finally adjusted to the new chemotherapy and I am tolerating it really well.
I can eat anything. I eat a very healthy diet 90% of the time and 10% of the time, I just don’t worry about it.
We are starting to breathe life into our new home.
We still have a ways to go, but we have rounded the corner.
I am incredibly proud of my husband.
There is this thing he does that means the world to me…when I get to giggling about something silly, something that is not even all that funny, I will catch him looking at me misty-eyed while he says “it is so good to have you back”.
That is really sweet. That is a movie moment. Last winter we had a lot of horror film moments; now we are having a lot of inspirational movie moments (those are my favorite kind).
Right now I am in a blissful phase. I have been in this phase before because I have been critically ill with both crohn’s and leukemia more than once over the past 14 years.
This is the phase where you realize how absolutely precious normalcy is.
Normalcy as in, life without constant crisis.
I do not understand why God allows certain circumstances to come into our lives. Without question, I have faced pain and grief that I never anticipated over the past 14 years. Yet, God has repeatedly allowed me to heal, He has repeatedly brought just the right people along when I needed the encouragement.
If you read my blog, there is a chance that you are also a person with pain. I hope that traces of my story encourage you to stay strong and to remember that the seasons do change.
I am going to end this post with a song and a verse that I have used in the past because it is applicable and true to every person who walks the earth.
And, I thank you God, that my season has changed.
Ecclesiastes 3 New International Version (NIV)
A Time for Everything
3 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.